I wonder what it is like for a friend supporting someone they love through an adoption journey. Especially if they become pregnant themselves. How must it feel to share with a friend who has just had another failed IVF, that you are pregnant?
It was always hard to hear someone else’s happy news. I really was genuinely pleased for them. But it was excruciating. I can’t lie about that. A sense of panic would come over me. I’d dig deep to find the false fixed smile I’d perfected over the years. I couldn’t bear the thought they might sense my…well, what was it…jealousy perhaps.
My best friend told me she was pregnant just as I started taking Clomid. I knew how hard it was for her. But at that time, I was bursting with hope. Thoughts of how amazing it would be when I would soon be pregnant too, quickly followed. How wrong this turned out to be.
Going through fertility treatments and losses is hard on so many people. Not just us. Sending a message to close friends telling them of another sad twist to our journey was incredibly hard. But it must have been incredibly hard to receive too. I don’t think I’ve really thought about it like that before.
I’m delighted to be able to share a story of a friend who gave the kind of support everyone needs. Here, *Felicity talks about how it felt to support a friend going through the adoption process, and how special it was to be part of a much longed for celebration hearing…
“Through the tears, the lows, the deep deep pain, the dreadful guilt of becoming pregnant when that was all my best friend wanted in the whole entire world, there was finally a ray of hope. Absolute joy. My heart burst with pride when I heard the wonderful news she finally had her wish. Her path had been written as a parent – albeit slightly differently to what she had set out to achieve. But it was equally, if not even more, amazing – becoming a mummy at long last!
I wanted to make sure I held her hand through what seemed like an emotional roller-coaster of questioning and panels. Even though I could never truly understand the adoption journey, I could always be there to listen as best I could. Do whatever I could. Whenever she needed me. It seemed almost intrusive (even the dog was interviewed!), but the importance of all this was apparent. I watched on with amazement and intrigue as the process finally cemented her family in a very special way.
When I found out she and her husband had been matched with a baby, I was literally in tears . Over the moon. I was full of questions – when can you meet them, what do they look like, how old are they? I wanted to know everything and being a new mum myself it was extra special as it meant that our children would be the same age. Maternity leave, birthday parties, days out together. Watching them grow up was everything I could have wished for, and more.
Moving through the process the day finally came when their baby came home. There was so much joy, love, and happiness for their new family. It was a very special time to be a part of. I couldn’t wait to meet them and be involved in exciting new beginnings.
After a few months we were all invited to their celebration hearing. This was new to me, and if I’m honest, I didn’t really have a clue what it was all about. I understood that close friends and family we would all gather in a court and ultimately make everything ‘official’. In our eyes though it was as if the baby had always been part of our lives, and this seemed just a formality.
The day came and we met at the court and went inside. I imagined a quiet formal setting but as I watched, I witnessed something extremely precious. There was a vibrancy of emotions and the bond and love that had been established with this 10month old bundle of joy was instantly apparent. Not only for my best friend and her husband but her parents, siblings, and every single person in that room. We all felt the emotions. I honestly felt so proud and honoured to share that moment of solidarity with her, something my family are forever grateful to be a part of. It was a true celebration of their journey to becoming a family unit. What a proud moment. What an absolute honour.
We rounded off the day at a local pub, as always filled with laughter and fun. The journey has massively taught me that we all have different paths in life and we must all celebrate the special moments. Take in everyone’s happiness. Through the trials and tribulations there is great joy to be had and I am grateful to be able to be part of a very special journey that we will always be able to talk about fondly with our children as they grow up together.
What a heart-warming tale. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes. This really is what true friendship is all about.
It was clearly very special for Felicity to be part of the celebration hearing. The emotions and poignancy of the day. Recognition of a difficult journey. But one with a very happy ending.
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect with ours either. Of course, the adoption order had already been granted and we were legally a family. So this really was a time to celebrate as a family.
I will always remember looking around me as we waited to be called in. We were surrounded by people attending hearings for non-payment of car parking tickets or trying to avoid eviction. And there we were, all dressed up. Grinning from ear to ear. Bursting with pride. A forever family full of love. It was a bit surreal. And the setting felt a little bit misplaced if I’m honest.
But it was a really lovely day – brief, but lovely. Very special. Above anything else it’s a great addition to a life story book. The Judge was all kitted out and was very welcoming to the group of proud people clicking away. The room was full of giggles as our beautiful children stole the show with their cuteness. I was bursting with pride.
I count myself very lucky that special friends stood shoulder to shoulder with me. Well, when I would let them. I often couldn’t face anybody. I know I often shut them out. But they were always there for me. I find it hard to hear that sometimes friendships break down during difficult times like this. Well, let me tell you…these are not true friendships! Real friends stick together whatever. Through the tears and tantrums. Through the heartache and the joy.
I think you’ll agree this is exactly what Felicity did. She is a very special friend indeed. A forever friend.